© 2019 by Ruth Pennebaker

Snappy Quotes from Ruth Pennebaker (in case Bartlett's is interested)

On Neuroticism

I was just born this way — one of those canaries they use in mine shafts that drop dead when dangerous gases are leaking out. Great system for the miners, but it kind of sucks to be the bird.

 

On Faith Healing

I even relied on Oral Roberts once to heal my eyes. He was on TV, empowering the lame to walk, the bent to straighten, the drunk to sober up, but evidently couldn't bother with a 10-year-old girl with an astigmatism. Listen, you lose your faith at crucial moments like that.

 

On Aging 

As usual, I pondered this whole aging dilemma in a very confused way, wondering why I'm far happier than I was when I was younger, but I’m still not that enthusiastic about crow's feet and imminent death and ageist condescension from smart-alecky teenage store clerks who are going to be really sorry when all their tattoos are wrinkled, ha, ha, ha.

 

On Texas Women's Voices

Voices that are soft and low, an excellent thing in a woman, have rarely been observed in a gathering of two or more Texas women.

 

On Perspective

My husband worries about immortality. I worry about next week.

 

On Fashion

I’ll give you a tip. My personal acid test is: If I wear this, will I have to hold in my stomach?

On Hollywood Casting

I can do math. When a woman is in her 40s or 50s, her romantic lead needs to be 30 years older. So, if I go to Hollywood and become a movie actress at my age, the only men I could co-star with are already dead.

 

On Joining a Soccer Team

I’ll never forget the first time we lined up on the field for our very first game, facing the other team eyeball-to-eyeball. This is emblazoned in my memory as the only time in my life I wished I weighed more.

 

On Sarah Palin

Somebody, I think morosely, staring at the TV, the beehive, the blankly moronic gaze through the glasses, is going to have to do something about Palin’s accent. The word “grating” only begins to convey how truly awful it is. Pass the Pepto-Bismol and splash it on the rocks. Make it a double, baby. I’m in pain.